Welcome To My World, Read My Chit And Get Out!

Just A Poem

2009-09-01T11:45:00.002-07:00

Breaking lights of darkness in the distance,
Flickering apologetic words,Subconsciously passive, last resistance
I just want to atomize, shatter out of consistence
Flying into heavens like a flock of birds.

Counting down nanoseconds of my toll.
Tracing down the lines of existence
And these words of wisdom overdue for all
It is far too late for heavenly assistance,
When my sins accounted for the ending goal

Body’s rusting in the rain,
I am trying to forget and be forgotten.
Something clawing from the inside at my brain,
Something ghastly, dark and rotten.

Hear me and thus accept my flesh
Take my eyes so I can see again
Maybe then I can no longer be forsaken
Maybe then I can awaken, Start my life anew, afresh.

Which World Of Warcraft Character Are You?

2008-07-04T11:54:00.001-07:00

Which World Of Warcraft Character Are You?

Devbook Quizzes!!

Shakira-Whenever, Wherever

2008-05-29T13:29:00.001-07:00

This One Is Dedicated To Craig, The Other Man In My Life.

Amy Lee,Seether-Broken

2008-05-11T12:21:00.001-07:00

Another Dedication To The Love Of My Life Vicor

All Jumbled Up!

2008-03-03T23:13:00.001-07:00

Go to Pogo to play 100s of Fun Games!

DragonForce - Through The Fire And Flames (Video)

2008-02-09T13:21:00.001-07:00

To The Love Of My Life Victor

The Popit! Show Stress Buster. (Not That Any Of Us Know What Stress Is. LOL)

2008-02-02T15:06:00.001-07:00

If I only had a tampon for my brain

2007-09-20T22:13:00.000-07:00

Tonight i had the unfortunate experience of listening in on cassca and N verbally enhancing what may have been the most stupidest film cassca has bought for ten bucks.

I was searching the net out of boredom in the same room, looking thru Trapt sites and checking email while hearing this shit and off and on looking towards the screen to see what the fuck they were ripping on. Half way through, i said..."if you don't shut up i'm shuttin it off" but i was too damn tired from my usual long ass day at work to get up. Maybe i should've just done it.

said title of my blog entry its explanation,

i had said after the film FINALLY finished, my brain's bleeding a menstrual cycle i wish i had a tampon for it!! Does that give you a clue as to what i went thru tonight???

now i'm going to smoke a cigarette...reflect on the stupidity of that film and laugh my fuckin ass off repeatedly with cassca and N....shoving a tampon in my ear and then go to bed.

F. Off. Die. Hot Stuff. DIEEEE.

2007-09-17T13:39:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to put anything in here due to dealing with LIFE. Does that explain anything to all of you? yeah.

First off!
I'm sick and frickin tired of running my got damn ass off all the time. The second I get up until the moment I hit the bed, I'm on my feet and they are throbbing. Yay. Rah.

Second!
Catch up....yeah you'll understand in a moment you instant gratification people...

Where I work:
People have been quitting left and freakin right. My best friend is still "technically" a co worker, she'll be helping to clean so thank god for that...but this doofus gary...oi vey...he seemed great at first, my fiance and I liked working with him. Then last friday, he pulls this assinine chit.

He just walks the F out after two hours into his shift without telling Us why. My fiance is forced by upper management to call him and beg him to come back. He finds out that gary left due to another co worker who he claims was "flirting with customers, not helping, and leaving messes for him to clean up". uh. huh.

So then we get her side of the story after we're all fuming at this point. jesus christ. Here he was saying not more than 24hrs before to her that, "he's had it with the food industry..he hates cleaning up after people.." on and on and freakin on. We believe her because when she was cornered, the look of pure confusion was on her face and then anger that he used her as a scapegoat. We were so damn happy that she didn't quit right then and there.

Okayyyyyy..now the REAL fun part....

During all of this bull chit, health inspector shows up...the hot stuff rep shows up in the MIDDLE of Lunch Rush and he was told not to do this but apparently he forgot to pull his tiny dick out of his brain stem. heh.

Meanwhile...I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to throw and make 6inch and 8inch pizzas every got damn 8mins. I felt like Lucy in that chocolate factory episode...although i wasnt stuffing pizzas down my shirt or in my mouth. HA! Fuck that..ewwwwww nastyyyyy f'n pizzas...I hate pizzas because of this job. blech.

Then to top off our friday...right after we rush two of our four beloved cats to the vet. Syd has got an infection in his bladder and that's what was causing his weight gain. So he's on anti biotics. That's a joy to give him pepto looking nasty chit down his throat while getting scratch marks the size of grand canyon lines on my arms. oi. Vivi just needed his yearly shots and the boys have never been seperated so we did a two cats with one...whatever. You get the point.lol

There...I have updated this blog. I will return when I am damn well ready. HA~

2007-07-10T02:40:00.000-07:00

First of all...WHY CAN"T I TITLE MY BLOG!?!?!?!?! LOL

Laurell K. Hamilton, my most fave author, can't title hers either!

Anyway, I know it's been a while, but dealing with the 4th of July amongst other things has gotten the best of me lately. I won't go into details, just that it has been a VERY long holiday that I am still trying to recover from.

I have a friend coming to visit sonn, hopefully. He has been invited to a wedding, so he said he would stop by and see me.

Dreams as of late?

Being a samauri. Do not ask me. Maybe in a previous life. Who knows.

Still having the dream of the tattoo also....thinks....need more money! LOL

Okay, enough rambling for now.

Ciao!

Poem Written Out Of The Blue

2007-06-13T21:16:00.000-07:00

Even though you have drifted away, I am still here if and\or when you need me.
You will not know if or when you need me, but you will, and I will be waiting.
I am right where you left me. I have always been here and I will always be here for you.
Waiting patiently for you to cry out for my help.
Then, and only then will I help you out.
Once my work is done, I will go back into the shadows and wait until you call for me again.
Yes, I am always watching and waiting.
Waiting for you to call for me.

2007-05-02T23:36:00.000-07:00

As weeks pass..I've realized just how strong my gifts have become

I sense that I'm being pushed to continue

To become more than I am now

Thanks to a few friends I am learning more and more how to control myself

Physically and Metaphysically

I feel once I gain more knowledge I can help others too

Fill In's And Dreams

2007-03-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, I haven't updated in a while. DEAL WITH IT!!! lol

Anyway, here's my update.

I HAVE A SORE MOUTH!

End.

The dream....

I was in the psych ward, not as nurse or even a patient. I was sneaking in to get Zackery out. I don't know why she was in there or how I was going to get her out, but I knew I had to. No matter the cost.

That's all I can remember.

Hope to add soon.

Pain, Suffering And Dreams

2007-01-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

Oh, let's see....

Pain?

Yeah, I have lots of it. Mostly in my jaw on the right side. Only because I have a tooth that is infected and I have no way of getting it taken out. You know, shitty job (which I have mentioned before), no insurance, no money. You get the idea.

Suffering?

Yeah. That's me right now. You know, it is pretty sad when not even nicotine can overcome the pain I am in right now.

Dreams?

Yeah. About that. Lately I have been having this dream being rich (HAHAHA!) and getting a red dragon tattoo on my back, neck, arms side and stomach. For you that don't get what I mean, the head of the dragon is facing right on my neck, the body of the dragon on my back, with the tail wrapping itself around my side onto my stomach with the tip hitting the edge of my belly button, the wings of the dragon going down my arms with the tips hitting my middle knuckle. Yeah it may sound weird to you, but I LOVE the idea.

Well that's it for now. Will write again soon, hopefully.

Ding Dong Christmas is Gone, Long Live Boredom and stress!

2007-01-03T01:22:00.000-07:00

I dont know where to start......

First of all, I'm stuck on night shift where I have to clean up for everybody after the day shift. The usual: Stocking, cleaning, etc. Doing their list for the day, which I only get maybe three items done off of it since I have to do my own chit too. sighs I don't get paid enough to do this chit, honestly...not even real benefits to speak of. I might as well call myself a modern lackey and be done with it. Ahhhh but there is new ..news..to report!

My other half got a new job, making more money than his previous "lackey" job. ooo i like that word lackey, i should use it more often then people will really think i've lost my f'n mind! laughs

I've decided to follow in his footsteps and look for another job whether i like it or not. I'm tired of being treated like a child and yet given more and more work to do without getting more pay. it's bs. yes yes, i know everyone complains about their jobs, everyone is stressed..but you know what..since Everyone gets to complain and i have to stand there with a fake smile on my face listening and afterwards saying, "have a nice day!" why the fck cant I?
.................are you going to argue with me on this? I think not. lol

oh wait...i bet my man is secretly glowing in happiness knowing that i'm following his path without pushing me to do so...aint life grand. bastrd. lol

Lets see what else...thinking....blinking...thinking.....where's the start up button to my brain..i think i need to reboot. . . . OW~! yeah that worked.

Oh! my guy and i have had enough money to buy a few more miniatures for forgotten realms..yayyy. yeah, screw you, i love D&D. quit looking at me like that. heh hmmmmm....oh and the cats are NOT getting to them or they'll be flying and not In the apt.

Christmas..sighs yes lets get this over with shall we? went to my grandmother's with my mom, brother, and my man. Rather uneventful, although my grandmother can cook for a friggin army, my god. you never leave her house on an empty stomach. i'm surprised my man didnt go into diabetic shock or worse yet a coma. got a few nice clothes, ooo and several gift cards..we spent them all the next day. of course. But! we bought a candles creation set and we will be making our own candles instead of spending outrageous prices at wally world.

New years. oh. my. god. need i say more? wait, blog. yes. nevermind...anyway,
stone sober with natosha, my man and her friend jen..talking of crazy chit, popping toes, snapping floggers....no you freaks we were completely DRESSED...although, i do have some fading marks when Miss N decided to crack my lower back which wasnt completely covered apparently by my shirt. lovvvvelyyyy. all because my man decided "hey lets have some fun and hold tessa in a hug..go ahead Natosha..snap her a good one!" jackass. lol
"I dont think I deserved that". lol
And finally, I have to wait Six Damn Months before I can get the new Laurell K. Hamilton book. wtf. That totally sucks. What am I supposed to do in the meantime, fantasize about Jean Claude, richard, micah...nathaniel....all together in bed with anita blake and sigmund the penguin...and.......ummm.....hmmmmm...gotta go!!! LAUGHS
I'll update sooner since Natosha is letting me use her computer once again. later freaks! LOL

6 Word Love Letter

2006-11-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

**If this doesn't touch you...you're heartless**

One night a guy & a girl were driving home from the movies. The girl sensed there was something wrong because of the painful silence they shared between them that night. The guy pulled over and told the girl he wanted to talk. He told her that his feelings had changed & that it was time to move on. A silent tear slid down her cheek as she slowly reached into her pocket & passed him a folded note.

**At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down that very same street. He swerved right into the girls side, killing the girl. Miraculously, the guy survived. Remembering the note, he pulled it out & read it. "Without your love, I would die."**

Bed Time Stories For Big Kids

2006-07-31T01:33:00.000-07:00

I found these when I was going through some papers and thought some of you would like them.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill,
Now they have a son.

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her,
But little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
"Pies, you idiot!"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men,
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

Hey Diddle Diddle the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun,
Then died of electric shock.

There once was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a water front condo, and a sports car.

There I've said my piece. Enjoy!

Can I Get A Double Look Expresso To Go Please? lol

2006-07-16T23:38:00.000-07:00

Am I misbehaving by putting this intriguing photo on my blog????? hehehehehehehehe

Hope you All enjoy. bats lashes

A Decade Or So In The Future

2006-07-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

Don't ask me where this came from, because I have no clue.

I had moved to New York to work at a law firm as a receptionist. I had gotten to know the CEO well enough to become his personal assistant. We went out on some dates (and not the business type.) A couple years later he proposed. I agreed of course.

One day I decided to go to a cafe to eat lunch and go over some business stuff. I sat in the back so as not to be bothered by all the hustle and bustle. When my luch was about over, I gathered my things and started towards the door. While weaving my through the tables I caught out of the corner of my eye some people I thought I knew. I shook my head thinking, "No, it's not possible." and kept walking. Well, I happen to pass the table with the people I thought I recognized. Then, my coat gets snagged, or I thought it did, so I put my stuff down to unsnag it and apologize to the person about it. Well, low and behold, my coat didn't get snagged, it was grabbed by none other than Zackery. I was speechless. Finally I mumbled something to the effect of, "Heh, hi. What on earth are you doing here?" Zackery just smiled, stood up and gave me a light shove into the extra chair. Not without arguement I assure you. Zack sat back down and pointed to the two other people with her. I numbed, "Oh my god it can't be." There, sitting VERY close to each other were Natosha and Angel. I noticed they both had wedding bands on. They were talking amongst themselves until Zackery said something to the affect of, "Would you guys quit being mushy and look who I snagged." They both turn to her, not noticing me, and said, "Huh?" Zackery just pointed at me. They followed her finger and just stared at me.

That's all I can remember for now. Hope you three that read and are in this enjoyed the entertainment.

Rantings And Other Things...

2006-07-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I haven't updated in a while. i've been busy! GIVE ME A BREAK damnit. Work sucks like usual. I seem to have to pull the weight of three people, not including myself. It's starting to really, really, REALLY piss me off to the point i'm buying the Press and Tribune to look for another job. I had to do backstock yesterday. Took me two hours, and put me behind on my cleaning schedule for the night. Pisses me off that they (my mother mainly) only gave me three days to work out of seven. Although I ended up working on Sunday because a co-worker's grandfather died, so that makes what? Oh, yeah. A whole four out of seven days. Woohoo. I guss it's better than no job, but still...If I didn't have so much fucking stress right now, maybe I'd relax, but right now I'm in the process of moving my stuff out of my ex's and into Natosha's. Plus, I have had some problems with a certain someone who shall remain nameless, though you know who you are, telling me never to contact them in any form, but they can send me forwards and shit. It's not fair I tell you. If I cannot contact you, you should not be able to contact me. There, I've said it. God I hope they forgive me. Although ironically, I am learning to live without speaking to them, which I thought I could never do. Anyways, if you're reading this, you know I care for you and will always be here for you no matter what you say or do to me. I will always be your friend even though you push me away. Blah. I hate being mushy, but it's all true. I will be here for you. No matter what. So do as you wish with the e-mail I sent to you and post a comment on here if you wish, though I doubt you will. You haven't yet. Though I am told you do read my blog. I really wish you would contact me somehow. I miss you. I doubt you miss me though. You have enough going on in your life without me, so I will just go on with my life like I never knew you and if by chance you do contact me again, it will be a great joy in my life, because you were a great influence in it for the short period of time I have known you. Hope you get through everything you are going through fine and if you ever need me I will be here.Well, that is all I can think of to rant about right now. More to come probably.

Lost In My Own Mind...

2006-07-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

Here's how it stared...

I could hardly sleep one night. I don't know why, but I kept being woke up by something/someone, but when I did sleep, my subconcious would wake up...

Here's part of what I was "dreaming"...

I subconciously woke up, looked around trying to figure out where I was. It finally dawned on me that I was at the begining of one of those mazes of bushes. I took a few steps into it and I started hearing a voice.

At first I couldn't hear what s/he was saying, but when I went in further, I heard, "Tessa...", "Tessa, come to me..". I shouted, "Who are you?" "Where are you?", but got only "Come to me Tessa...please...come to me."

Yeah, I was a little hesitent at first, but the voice seemed to get more desperate every time i heard it. So, I started walking, not knowing which direction to go, but then something started "pulling" at me. It seemed like it wanted me to follow it. So, I slowly started to walk with what/whoever was "pulling" at me. It stared pulling arder, so i started to walk faster and faster til i was at a full out run, but then I got to thinking, subconciously that is, "How am I knowing when to turn, what direcion to turn, and when to go straight?"

Then I thought, someone I know is here...but where? So, I just keep on going, and as I'm running, I keep hearing, "Tessa...come to me Tessa...please...".

Yeah, I'm freaked by now, but I keep going. Not like I have a choice though, because what/whoever is pulling me, is now pushing me too. I come to a "T" section, what/whoever is pushing and pulling at me makes me stop. Don't ask me why, but it does.

I happen to look to the left and there Zackery stands. I think "WTF is my Zacky Pooh doing here?" Then my face gets pushed to the right and there Natosha stands. I 'm now thinking "WTF is going on here? Do I have to make a choice?"

Of course, by the time I'm thinking all this, my stupid alarm clock is going off. I mean, I could "hear" something, but didn't recognize it til it got louder.

Well, that is all for now...

Hopefully by writing this down, the dream will come back to me and be able to update all of you that care.

I Dream...

2006-07-01T06:37:00.000-07:00

Tears fall from my eyes
Every time I think of you...

I dream...

I dream of what it would be like to be with you...
To be loved by you..

To be held by you
And not just as a friend...

To lay beside you as a lover
is something I can wish for but never truely have...

I can dream and wish for eternity
But I will never have you as she does...

This poem is dedicated to my Dear One whom I care about and love very much.

Hope you enjoy it.

Brimming With Thoughts.....

2006-06-26T01:10:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm.....Where to start.....

Well, might as well start from the begining....

My day started off pretty well considering I had to work. Was full of energy for some reason. I never have energy when I have to work. Especially when I have to close the dang place. Which is what I had to do. Anyways, I barely got there and clocked in and it starts to get busy. F'n campers. LOL J/K. It got so busy I BARELY had time to fill the machines with their stupid ingredients!!!! Haha. I know, I know....it sounds like whining, but I DON'T CARE!!!! lol The day went fast and I'm glad for it. Although clean-up after closing sucks, I make sure I got everything, set the alarm and said "bye-bye" to the dang place. At least till tomorrow when I have to go back. Grr! lol

Moving on....

My friend picked me up after I closed, we drove around for a bit to try to get me relaxxed a bit...Well, it didn't work...I'm STILL wired to beat hell and it's 2 frickin 30 in the morning! Guess that's what i get for drinking a double shot of espresso. LOL Anyways...we came back to her place, started making supper while her mom was on the internet...then called her b/f...we talked for a while about how our days went and the like...hung up with him and got on the net to send him some things via e-mail...talked to him online a bit...got off the net and called him back. Got to talking about a few things...then I don't know how it happened or why, but something snapped inside me and I blew up at him for no reason.I said something to the effect of "How about I never speak to you again." He said, "Fine." Then I came into the office and started bawling because I was P.O.'d at myself for saying it. I wanted to appologize, but I couldn't stop crying. By the time I did, my friend had hung up with her b/f. So, here it is...Dear One (you know who you are)....if you are reading this...I appologize with my heart, mind, body and soul. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. (Wipes a stream of tears away.) AHEM Sorry. I know i should have done that in person or over the phone, but I felt bad enough and couldn't take anymore critisism and I was also afraid of blowing up again. I was also afraid of what you may have said to me. So anyways...Accept it or don't. It is your choice.

Well, now that that's off my chest and mind....

Oh, by the way...Thank you Natosha and Zackery for the lovely comments on my first posting. And, yes, Natosha I know you will set a fire on my Azz to keep this up. :)

Am I Really Here?

2006-06-25T01:46:00.000-07:00

That is the million dollar question right there.

I usually enjoy voicing out my thoughts and feelings but I figured why not take a chance with a blog. I mean, all my friends have one, why not me?!

My life has been pretty laid back with the exception of working my ass off at the store where i'm not appreciated. I'm sure all of you who will read this can relate to that feeling. You would think I'd have a main job there but oh no, I'm put anywhere they want me including working in a frickin cold cooler restalking everything that nobody else does. My back is so out of place from this chit. heh

Anyways, since mid last year, I met Natosha. She had just moved back and we hit it off the moment she started givin me hell at work. lol
Man, she drives me bonkers at times but apparently people say we are "highly entertaining" together. She has introduced me to several very intriguing people since then.

Angel. God, where do I begin with him.
He's this mysterious breath taking young man whom Natosha has fallen for. I was able to meet him the first time he came to visit her and ever since he just won't "get out of my head!" lol(inside joke. yeah.)
He's like a ...well..if you want to see a photo, I may put one on here later on. You'll know exactly what I mean. OOO! I know, for all you Laurell K. Hamilton fans out there: he looks like Jean Claude. I remember Natosha showing me his pic for the first time and I damn near slid off my chair. I exclaimed "Oh My God, that's Jean freakin Claude!" She looked at me like "wtf". So of course I had to show her the site and describe.

He's been mistaken for several celebrities which I think is hilarious. Poor bastard. lol Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom(not sure but depends on the angle), but especially Brandon Lee. Natosha had pointed that out to me and I was in total agreement. He, on the other hand, waves it away and rolls his eyes. Typical modesty.

Then...oh boy...there's ZACKERY! Or as I like to say, Zacky poo.lol
Zack has been Natosha's friend for almost six years. Zack's very enigmatic, highly intelligent and drives me batty with the off the wall comments. Zack knows how to make me laugh and catch me off guard so much its a good thing I'm sitting down during.lol

Then..well...there's this older gentleman, you know who you are. He's also been an inspiration to me like angel and zack. I just recently began talking to him thru Natosha. She had no problem letting me be myself around angel and zack so why not the Gentleman. These three friends of hers always seem to read me like a freakin book. I swear to god.

Angel says I have a megaphone built into my head. Zack and Natosha agree and will use it to their advantage any time they wish. I'm always boppin my head with my hand saying "Get outta my head".lol(insert inside joke here too)

About me,
As you've probably picked up on, I usually try to get along with people as long as they give me my space. Yet! These four seem to push my limits without trying and it pisses me off sometimes.lol

Let's see,
oh..as you also have guessed, I'm a major Laurell K. Hamilton reader, especially her Anita Blake Vampire Hunter Novels. I relate to her main character alot. All the chit she's been thru. I seem to also fall for the tall slim dark haired and piercing eyed handsome men. (you know who you are. he he he) Now, don't get me wrong, I'm starting to realize there's other qualities that I'm attracted to lately. Right now, I don't really want to get into too many graphic details. lol

Recently I've become "un" engaged. Ha. Yeah. WTF. Sometimes I wonder what goes thru a guy's mind when he asks for the ring back and then doesn't understand why I don't wish to talk to him or be around him. Anyone care to explain this to me, because I have no F'n clue. lol

So, I'm hoping this is a good start in blogging, as they call it. I'll keep you updated, if you care. hehehehe